Toddler Tantrums

A stream of our august parliamentary representatives held their breath, threw themselves to the ground, foamed at the mouth, drummed their heels and screamed till they turned blue.

“I’m not a bigot, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not. You’re the bigot, yes you are, you are, say it, say it, gonna make you say it . . . . .”

I was waiting for one of them to leap across the chamber and give Penny Wong a Chinese burn.

One Senator buttered up union capo Joe De Bruyn so lavishly that I thought they must have a date lined up for later. Last Tango in Canberra, maybe?

Yes, it was the great gay marriage ‘debate’. And that was the quality of the opposition.

Small wonder they won the vote, but lost the argument. People just wanted them to SHUT UP fer Crissakes willya!?!?!

Time, I think, for SBS to remake “Go Back Where You Came From”, with Joe de Bruyn, Corey Bernardi, Senators Boswell, Madigan and Fierravanti-Wells (and maybe throw in Kuruvilla George for good measure), stashing them with GLBTI families for a month.

I reckon Cory Bernardi would be the first to crack: his wife is already on record as saying their marriage works so well because they’re both in love with the same man.

At least they’re both fantasing about the same bloke, which is fidelity of a sort, I guess. Personally, living with a husband who shreiks another mans name as he climaxes would turn me right off, but hey, if it gets her juices flowing.. . . But just stop talking about it in public, OK?

Tell you what, though, Mr Jesus, sir. That’s some seriously creepy friends you have there. Do you really think we should let them marry? Think of the kids.

Ostentatiously ‘Christian’ types go through some odd moral contortions, like the seriously hot US Marine Master Sergeant at Arms who had a whole raft of reasons why he wasn’t really being unfaithful to his wife.

It’s just 1) a blowjob. 2) With a bloke. 3) In another country. So, 4) Doug, you wanna come on board an aircraft carrier?

But I digress.

Listening to these bigots (and yes, they are bigots; no,neither they nor their views deserve respect; look up the dictionary definition of ‘bigot’ and then read this), two things struck me very forcefully.

Closing all the asylums and giving these people jobs in the community – unions, parliament, churches, mosques and synagogues mainly, ‘cos they’d never survive in the private sector – was a really, really bad idea.

If democracy is ever to work properly in this country, we need to spend a lot more on good, comprehensive, secular education, and stop giving religions massive unfair advantages at everyone else’s expense, like tax and discrimination exemptions, taxpayer funded chaplaincy programs and the like.

Just ignore the howling and screaming.Shut them in their churches, mosques and synagogues and let them cry themselves to sleep.

Time for the toddlers to grow up. For all our sakes.

About the author

Veteran gay writer and speaker, Doug was one of the founders of the UKs pioneering GLBTI newspaper Gay News (1972) , and of the second, Gay Week, and is a former Features Editor of Him International. He presented news and current affairs on JOY 94.9 FM Melbourne for more than ten years. "Doug is revered, feared and reviled in equal quantities, at times dividing people with his journalistic wrath. Yet there is no doubt this grandpa-esque bear keeps everyone abreast of anything and everything LGBT across the globe." (Daniel Witthaus, "Beyond Priscilla", Clouds of Magellan, Melbourne, 2014)